Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
