you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
