I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
