I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
