Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
