Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
