I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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