This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
