Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
