we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
