I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
