Where did you get a picture of my penis
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
