I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
