I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
