Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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