Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
