i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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