the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
