a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
