dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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