Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
