But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
being pregnant is like rehab
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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