he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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