hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
