is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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