Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
And then he peed in my hair
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
