he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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