The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
