After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
