and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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