mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
