I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
