remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
