I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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