I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
