so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
