perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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