Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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