Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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