I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
