big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize