the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
