i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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