plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize