'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
