I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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