you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
