Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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