i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
