Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
