i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize