I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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