it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
