i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
