question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
