Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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