i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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