so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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