Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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