Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
