Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
