We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
