Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
