How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
