I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
