96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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