Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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