Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
