i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So much Jack, so little girl.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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